Playtime

Master and I have very few arguments but there are times when we do need to discuss how our relationship is going and what we can do to keep things on track and running smoothly. There are a few issues that do seem to pop up from time to time and at the top of the list is play time, or lack thereof.

One of the things that I find frustrating is that playtime seems to fall off the radar every so often. I don't need an elaborate scene or fantasizing. What I need is to be tied down and get beaten. It doesn't matter if Master uses his hands or one of our tools. I need the feel of something hitting me, the slide from awareness down into the haze of subspace, the pain and the endorphin rush that comes with it. I love that Master can do this to me. I don't know if it's because I tend to have the urge to self-injure when I get massively stressed or if it's because I need some external control and this is a definite and very concrete display of Master's control over me. It doesn't really matter.

Part of the problem is that I feel like other areas of the dynamic start to also slide away when we haven't played much. I also find it very hard to look at Master and say "beat me". It's not that I expect him to be a mind reader. I know he isn't. I do tell him what is going on in my head. But I find it hard to ask for a beating. Maybe I feel like it's topping from the bottom or something. I don't know what my hang up is. I just know that I miss it and find it hard to ask for it.

Master and I hadn't played until this past weekend other than rough sex. Strangely, though, this time it's been okay. Well, better than it has been in the past. Part of it is because Master is disciplining me more. I don't need a session as much when Master is slapping me or punching me on a regular basis. I like it because I still feel that sense of the control Master has over me. He likes being able to deal with my smart mouth when I'm being sassy. Whatever the reason for it, it's working for us and that is a very, very good thing.