How Vin Diesel helped me figure something out

Earlier this week, Vin Diesel helped me figure something out. Not LITERALLY, of course, he didn't come and sit in my living room and talk something through with me (although he could, if he wanted to... I wouldn't mind). No, thinking about him made me realize something. Its something that has been sort of bumping around in my noggin but it didn't really hit home until I was watching Vin Diesel in all his muscle-y glory.

I don't want to sleep with him.

Honestly.

I thought I did. I really did. I thought "woman, if he appears before you in his ripply, muscle-y glory and beckons, you're going to say no but its going to be something you're going to think about when you are alone with your Hitachi".

But I realize now that while I WANTED to sleep with him, I don't anymore, and I am good with that. Here's why:

One thing that Master and I are consciously working towards is my eventual dependence on him. Right now, that isn't possible because he is away with work on a regular basis and the last thing he wants is to impair my ability to be an independent and fully functioning adult. He likes knowing that when he goes away things will get looked after. He likes me taking initiative to ensure that the house and our toys (i.e. the boat) are being maintained. I like it too. I feel like I am serving him best when he can come home to a well-run house and not be faced with a hundred and one little issues that I could have solved myself.

Down the road, though, that's going to change and again, I am 100% good with that.

One part of that, though is for him to be in my head. For me to be so tied up in him and his excitement and arousal and his rules and restrictions that I can't actually THINK about going against them. Occasionally, when we have been apart for a long time (like we have been) I get worried because I feel like control is slipping away and I panic a bit.

But watching Vin Diesel it suddenly hit me. I literally cannot THINK about having sex with someone else. I can't actually THINK about getting off with someone else. I need Master there, to see him and his arousal and hear him telling me to climax for me to get off. Even when I am alone with my Hitachi, I am with Master in my mind and I can't climax until I hear him telling me too.

It's taken a little while to get as far as we have and I am quite happy now to wait for the rest of it to fall in place.