Rules and Regulations

When B and I were first starting to talk about how we envisioned our relationship, the idea of a contract was brought up. This is something that some M/s and D/s relationships have. In fact, if you have read or watched 50 Shades, you might think that ALL relationships have a contract but this isn't the case.

Don't get me wrong, contracts can be great. They can really help a couple figure out how they see their relationship and what areas are most important to their significant other. But they aren't always necessary and they aren't enforceable by law. There were a few reasons why B and I decided not to put one in place for us.

The first was that our relationship is changing over time. Its growing. B and I are figuring out which areas of control will work best for us. Jobs change. And in order to keep a contract current, we'd have to keep revisiting and revamping it. Its not that we can't be bothered, it just isn't high on our list of priorities.

The second is that we don't want to feel like there HAS to be punishment if there is an infraction of some sort. Yes, I am disciplined if I break the rules. But B also has the right to not punish me if he so chooses and he often chooses not to if there were legitimate circumstances as to why I failed to follow a rule. Its his right and he doesn't want some printed contract determining what he has to do.

That being said, there are rules and expected behaviours. As it it stands, they pretty much are as follows:

• I am to dress appropriately in clothing that Master approves of. We have neatly solved this by making sure that the clothing in my closet is all approved of in advance and he gets final say with regards to a particular outfit. He also chooses for me to wear my hair in a bun or put up when I'm out and about without him.
• We don't disagree publicly. Its part of presenting a united front because we are a team. That's not to say we never disagree, we just talk about it when we aren't around other people. To go along with that, we discuss important topics like politics, things relating to his work etc. so that again, I know how B feels about a topic. Then, I debate for that side. It works because we were pretty much on the same page with respect to politics and religion so its not difficult to get along.
• B orders for me and ultimately has the final authority about what I eat or drink. There are some exceptions to this rule (such as when we found ourselves in a restaurant in Quebec that had NO ENGLISH on the menu and as B doesn't speak French, it only made sense for me to order).
• He sits first, eats first and gets into bed first. Once he is in bed, he then chooses when I will join him. Until that time, I am expected to wait, kneeling by the side of the bed.
• B decides when we have sex and what kind of sex we will have. While I am always welcome to initiate sex and B takes into account if I am tired or under the weather, the fact is that I don't ever get to say "no"s

So far, these are the major ones. We may develop more in the future if B decides that he wants them but we also don't want our relationship to be "rules heavy". Part of what makes this arrangement so great for us is how relaxed things are. Just because he rules the roost doesn't mean we can't have fun and simply enjoy each other's company.