M/sand Mental Illness

One thing that I see talked about with great frequency online is how mental illness can affect an M/s style of relationship. I tend not to comment much although this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. Mental illness is something that has affected my life ever since I was young. There have been periods where I have been better and periods where I have been more significantly affected by it. Right now, I'm in a good place.

When I was a teenager, I was depressed and I self-harmed. There were many reasons why I was depressed, many of which I don't want to get into at this point. I had suicidal thoughts which I contemplated very seriously. Luckily, I had some VERY good friends who got me some help and I survived. Part of my depression was due to hormonal issues and they got straightened out, so I'm still here.

I've had ups and downs. When my first marriage (and first M/s relationship) ended it was overwhelming. I had been treated for depression in the months leading up to it ending. Again, there were a number of reasons that affected my emotional and mental health and the breakup tipped me over the edge. I found myself trying to self harm again and had my now ex take me to the hospital. I went in and a month later, I was discharged.

While in there, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) as well as depression. BPD typically involves wild mood swings, extreme thinking about people and situations and other things that make it very hard to be in a relationship. A lot of people who self harm are later diagnosed with BPD so my actions tend to fit right in with that diagnosis. I was put on more medication and took part in group therapy and then when they had patched me back together, I was released.

That was years ago. Like I said, I am in a good place now. I don't depend on Master for my mental health. That's not fair to him or to anyone else. I will say, though, that the rules and guidelines that we have in place have helped. I am more stable when I have definite expectations and boundaries to work within. He also (along with the kidlets) have been keeping an eye on me. I want them to let me know if my mood swings start seeming more extreme than normal. If they seem like they are more extreme, I'm going to take myself back to my doctor and let them know I need help.

I tend to take things one day at a time. If I feel like my emotions have been really out there, I check in with the people around me and ask if I seem off kilter. I also try and think before I act (something that BPD sufferers can sometimes struggle with). I know that how I react to situations may be more extreme then they need to be so I try and make sure to count to ten before saying or doing anything. 

I think that there is a belief out there that people who like BDSM are damaged mentally in some way. That they get involved in these kinds of relationships because there is something wrong with them and they can't be in "healthy" relationships. I disagree with that. I think it may be true for some individuals but I think that a general, sweeping statement like the above is wrong. I also think that people who are a part of the BDSM community are simply a good cross section of society. Since mental illness is something that is present in a lot of people, it only makes sense that some kinky people would be affected by mental illness.

I don't think that it is wrong for individuals who have mental illnesses to get involved in M/s relationships or BDSM in general. I know that when I crave an endorphin rush, flogging and other painful activities work just as well as cutting. I do think that it's unfair of one partner to depend on the other for their mental health though and that there is only so much help that a partner can offer. Once Master lets me know I need help, I'm going to get help. I'm not going to rely on him to provide it.