Contracts and Why We Don't Have One

There are many M/s relationships out there that use a contract and it works very well for them. There are many advantages to having a contract. It can help spell out expectations and define what is acceptable and what is not for both parties. It is also a fantastic tool for individuals to use as it can get conversations started that can ensure both parties are on the same page when it comes to how the dynamic will play out. If a person is new to this lifestyle it can be a really great tool for them.

It can also be really hot... you know, the trembling slave or submissive signing over his or her rights to the dominant.  Knowing that for as long as the contract is in place, they are bound by it and have to follow the rules that are set out on paper. Hot, juicy stuff for sure.

So, if they are so fantastic, why don't Master and I use one?

There are a few different reasons. The first is that while a relationship might change, a contract may not. Not unless both parties are willing to sit down and update it on a regular basis and outline how things have changed and the direction that the relationship will be headed in. Our relationship has definitely changed and grown in the three years since he locked his collar on me.

The next is that both parties are bound by it and Master wants to be the one in charge and not a piece of paper. If he chooses to ignore a rules infraction, it is up to him. He doesn't want to feel like he has to check the paperwork to see how a situation needs to be handled. I can definitely see where he is coming from on that one.

I also think there is another danger with them. Maybe danger is too strong a word. Possible drawback might be closer to the truth. The concern that I have is that if there is a contract, the temptation may be to assume that everything is going well as long as the person who signed their life away is holding up their end of the contract. This simply isn't the case. A relationship needs discussion. The energy between both parties needs to be fed on a regular basis through conversation and sometimes, if something may not be working well it can damage a relationship irreparably before both parties realize it.

That being said, there are many people out there who use a contract as a tool. They use it well, and they enjoy a stronger relationship than they might have if they didn't have a contract in place. Master and I simply don't think we would fall into that category.