Acceptance

One thing I have learned is that this type of relationship involves a lot of acceptance on my part. I have to accept that Master is making the best decisions for me and for our family. I have to accept the decisions that he makes and I have to accept all of the things that life throws at us no matter how much I may not like them.

Now, that being said, I know that there is also a lot of acceptance in a vanilla relationship as well, so its not really that different. However, I have agreed to give up the final say on everything from where we live to what I do for a living. I have given up having the final say on my money as well. About the only thing that I still have final say in is my children. Because Master is their step-dad, I still am the final authority in the house with regards to them although he and I are usually on the same page about things and so what he would choose is usually what I would also choose.

Even if it isn't, I don't tell him what we are doing. I am very lucky in that Master tends to take a lot of advice into consideration before making a decision and wants to hear what I think. If time is permitting, I usually lay out how I feel about a proposed course of action and what I feel the pros and cons are. I also let him know what I would like to see happen and then leave it with him. He may or may not do what I would like. He may or may not adjust what he had in mind. I accept what he chooses because I agreed to and I know he has everyone's best interests at heart.

We didn't immediately jump into this level of authority. While it was a goal, it took time to build trust and to ensure that what I thought I saw about his character was actually there. Because once control is given up its hard to take back and I want to make sure that it is being given to the right person. Our ultimate goal is dependence: for me to be as dependent as possible on Master and if he wasn't the right person, I needed to know early enough that the plan could be changed.

There is also a certain amount of acceptance that comes from being a military wife/spouse. Even in the most vanilla marriages if one partner is a service member then the other needs to accept what is happening or it just won't work. We have no choice where Master is sent for work, when he is sent away or how long he will be away. We are looking at a move somewhere in the next year and have no idea where we will move or when we will be moving. I am looking at packing up everything and going somewhere that may be hundreds or thousands of miles away from my extended family.

Acceptance isn't always easy. Sometimes I worry that thing won't work out for the best. I may lose sight of the big picture. I may hate saying goodbye (again) and having to smile when I send him off somewhere without knowing when he will be back. But I have to. If I want to be with this man, I have to. In the end, its all going to be worth it. I know his heart, and know that what he wants is what is best for all of us. And I can accept whatever comes in the meantime.