Punishment and "Funishment"

From time to time, I misbehave. I try not to for the most part. After all, at it's most basic level, this is a voluntary arrangement. I CHOSE to become a slave and legally, if I no longer choose to stay, Master has no legal recourse to keep me here. If I choose to be in a relationship, why would I behave in a way that is not obedient?

However, from time to time  Master may feel that my attitude or my behaviour needs "refinement". He may feel that I have been unacceptably mouthy or I may have forgotten to do something (my ass remembers a time when I forgot to flatten some cardboard before I put it in the blue box) and, as a result, Master feels that I need a bit of a reminder of how he wants his household to function.

Other times I may feel that I need a beating. I tend to need an endorphin rush from time to time and, for me, the easiest way to get this is through flogging, caning or spanking. I am also an asphyxiaphiliac in that I love being choked (although not so much that I would do it on my own as I do not have a death wish).

So, the question is, if I misbehave and Master disciplines me physically, is he giving in and giving me what I want? I am sure that in some relationships, this is what has happened but not with us. There is a massive difference between a disciplinary session and one that I have asked for.

When Master and I "play", that is, when I have expressed a need for that endorphin rush, the beating is not as hard or long. There tends to be a bit more of a lead up in that Master doesn't start out whomping on me as hard as he possibly could. When I am being disciplined it's full bore right from the start. If something gets beyond my ability to cope, I can ask him to slow down or stop. When I have been bad I can't.

I actually dislike being punished. It feels bad. It feels bad physically and it also makes me sad to think that I forgot the rules or that I did something that made Master genuinely unhappy.I will say that I think the discipline process is helpful, however. I feel like the process is clear and straightforward. I do something wrong, he punishes me, I stop that behaviour. End of story.