What "Consent" Looks Like To Us

One thing that comes up time and time again is the idea of consent between people and how important it is. There are a number of discussions going around about what consent looks like, when someone IS and IS NOT able to give consent, and what it means when someone (usually a sexual partner) proceeds even when that consent is not present.

Even in the context of BDSM relationships, consent is important. You may see the abbreviation SSC (safe, sane consensual) or RACK (risk aware consensual kink). Both of those involve consent. Usually this means one partner is consenting to have things done to them that may involve varying degrees of risk. These are both valid and fulfilling relationship styles. Its just not what Master and I practice.

The relationship that Master and I have is loosely based on CNC or consensual non-consent. What that means is that at one point, early on in the relationship, I gave Master full authority over my life, my actions and my finances. It means I don't get to tell him "no". He has the right to punish me in whatever way he sees fit if I break the rules or make mistakes. I also don't have an out. Or, as Master so eloquently put it, "Its my way and there is no highway".

Now, when you write it out like that, it sounds pretty brutal and almost abusive. Sure, there are a lot of hallmarks of an abusive relationship present. I don't get to say no to sex either with regards to the timing or the kind. I don't get to make decisions. He has every right to end friendships I have established with other people, tell me I don't get to talk to my family and even require me to quit my job if it no longer works for him or the direction that he sees the relationship going in.

But the reality is far, far different. B wants me to be HAPPY. He wants me to flourish in our relationship together and be an active partner in helping us better our life together. He is proud of my achievements, supports me in my job choice and genuinely likes my friends and family. So 99.999% of the time, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between us and a regular vanilla couple.