Not a Gift

I have seen something come up on FetLife again and again about submission being a gift that the submissive gives to their dominant. I suppose that it's one way to look at it.

It's just not the way I look at it.

My submission ISN'T a gift. I didn't look around and decide which lucky dominant would receive it. I didn't sit there and look at Master and decide whether he was worthy of being the recipient of this gift. I don't feel like I have the power to gift my submission to anyone.

When I met Master, he and I got to know each other as people. Early on, I did let him know that I do not like to be the decision maker in a relationship. He let me know that he did. From that point, we got to know each other as human beings. As things progressed, I saw the sound decisions he made in life, discovered that our important values more or less aligned, and we both decided that we could work well together in a relationship. He began to take over more and more of the decision making and he introduced new rules and routines that would get me where he wanted me to be mentally, emotionally and, to a certain extent, physically.

At no point did I "gift" him with my submission.

I think that part of what rankles me about the concept of submission as a gift is that often times, people talk about taking that gift back. They are often the same individuals who then rant and rave about how precious and rare it is, and how they deserve to be treated like royalty or put on a pedestal because they have bestowed their precious gift upon someone.

That just doesn't fly with me. It's not how things work in this household and, in a way, it feels like topping from the bottom. Master doesn't have to worry about his decisions being unpopular. He doesn't have to worry that if he says no, or punishes me for something I have done wrong that I will stamp my feet and take back that submission because it no longer fits my mental fantasies.

That's the advantage of getting to know someone first, I guess.