Focusing on the End Goal and not the Details

This weekend was lovely and Master and I got to spend some wonderful alone time together where it was just the two of us. While there wasn't the heavy discipline session I thought I was going to get, there was some very wonderful time spent reconnecting physically. I've managed to take a look at a few things that were bumping around in my head and am working to get in a better place where they are concerned.

I was talking with my eldest last week and said something offhand that I kept mulling over in my head. I had gotten into the mindset that I COULDN'T handle Master being away. I mean, I always said I could whenever I was talking to anyone but deep down, I had internalized that I COULDN'T. That was a problem and a very big one. I think that a lot of my sadness and frustration and feeling overwhelmed stemmed directly from that attitude.

I CAN handle this stuff and handle it quite well. I was a single mom before I met Master. True, the house is bigger. True, there are more things going on in life right now than there were but honestly, they aren't anything that I can't handle. A lot of the stressors that I had going on back then are either less or non-existent. There may be a couple of new ones but honestly they aren't massive and in the grand scheme of things won't really matter five years from now.

I CAN make positive changes to address my worries. I can start exercising and eating better. I can start watching the money I make and the money I spend to make sure its all doing what it needs to do. I have the skills I need to parent and adult and get everything I need to do done. Sometimes the stuff I WANT to do might even get done too but if it's not essential, I'm not going to worry about it.

Because in the end, while Master wants me to be dependent on him when life will allow it, he knows that life doesn't always allow it. He would rather have me running his household properly and positively than have me sitting around worried about the future but unsure of how to deal with it. This independent dependence is something strange and, at times, difficult to balance but in the end it will be worth it. And it's the end goal that I have my eye on.