How it Gets Harder

It gets harder when Master is away. Everything is harder, from looking after the house (I'm not very handy) to dealing with stuff that breaks to even looking after the animals. Master and I don't have a dynamic where I take care of everything and he does nothing. His interest in helping is one of the things I love about him. If he wanted me to do it all, that's one thing but he doesn't and I'm happy about that.

The mental stuff gets harder too. To be honest, there are very few rules. He's not into micromanaging. He's also not into telling me what I can and can't do with my free time. He wants me to let him know and to be honest that's simple courtesy but when I ask the answer is usually (as in 99.99%) yes. While I love that it sometimes makes me feel less controlled in some ways. If he's here and I get out of hand or do something I shouldn't by mistake, he can correct me.

Now, to be honest, I'm a grown-ass woman and shouldn't be straying outside the rules. But the problem is, there are no rules. Well, none that really are heavily enforced most of the time. My main guideline is to "obey" but when the person I'm supposed to obey isn't around, I feel a little lost. Well, a lot lost.

So, in a nutshell, that's how it gets harder. It's harder to talk over things when there has been a misunderstanding, harder for me not to brood or get upset when it's just me, a TV and a laptop. It's harder when I ask for guidance and get told that everything is fine or that there really is no preference about what I do.

Now, I'll muddle through things just fine. I've done this before and I will have to do it again (and again and again). I'm committed to this lifestyle and dealing with things no matter what but sometimes, just sometimes, I have an off night.