A Criminal Minds Episode this ISN'T

Recently, an episode of Criminal Minds called "The Company" has been playing on several networks. If you haven't seen it, its an older episode from 2012. The plot line involves a family member of one of the team being held in an abusive relationship. In essence, the non-dominant partner (in this case the woman) is held captive both with physical abuse and through threats that she is being monitored by a nameless, faceless group of men so that escape is not possible. There is a point where the woman who is the center of the episode is led down into a room that looks like a BDSM dungeon.

Master and I tend to watch this episode and chuckle at it because we know how unlike our reality it is. Master doesn't isolate me from family and friends. I know that I am not being watched and that my family is not in danger of being harmed or killed if I leave him. I am not afraid of being punished and Master is always very very aware of and careful to ensure that I am healthy and happy.

What worries me is that there are so many unrealistic ideas of what this lifestyle entails and while it is more accepted, the reality of these types of relationships is still so badly misunderstood. People think that it involves the unreasonable, childish and stalker-like behavior that is so common in the 50 Shades series or that it is abusive and ugly like it is shown to be in crime shows like Criminal Minds.

If you are curious about this lifestyle, whether you want to incorporate it into your own life or not, the key is to educate yourself. Read non-fiction books as well as fiction. If you have a kinky friend who has mentioned to you that they are in this style of relationship, listen to what they have to say and read as much as possible before you pass judgement. Some of what they have to tell you may even sound abusive but it may not be. It may simply be a different way to relate to their partner that you are not accustomed to.

Yes. Sometimes individuals will use this lifestyle as a way to manipulate, control and abuse their partner. If that is the case with your friend, then by listening and supporting them they may feel like they can come forward and talk to you if and when they decide to get help.